History of the Day: 10/28

On this day in 312 AD, Constantine the Great defeated Maxentius at the Battle of Milvian Bridge. The previous day, he had seen the Chi Rho in the sky (the monogram of Christ in Greek) and the words In This Sign Conquer. So, he did. It is believed that a minor member of the infantry heard a voice say, "No, no, wait, that's not what I meant!!! Oh no ... this looks bad."

On the bright side, he quit the Roman policy of feeding their lions and bears with Christians. On the negative side, he connected the Church and State in such a way that Christians began doing the same.

In 1636, the exclusive and fanatical Puritans of the Massachusetts Bay Colony established the first college in the U.S., today known as Harvard University. In a strange twist of fate, the exclusive and fanatical Harvard now looks down on their Puritan ancestors.

In 1868, Thomas Edison applied for his first patent, an electrical vote recorder. In 2008, the ghost of Thomas Edison looked at the electoral process and said, "Awwww, what's the point?"

Twenty years later, President Grover Cleveland dedicated the Statue of Liberty, sporting a portion of Emma Lazarus' poem The New Colossus. The next day, the Congress passed an anti-immigration bill. No, not really, but that would be kind of funny, wouldn't it? Maybe?

In 1943, the US Navy rendered one of her ships invisible in a test dubbed the Philadephia Experiment. It is believed this is an urban legend, but who knows? How do you prove something invisible doesn't exist?

In 1965, Pope Paul VI delivered the Nostra Aetate (Declaration on the Relatin of the Church with Non-Christian Religions) which absolved the Jews of the death of Jesus, reversing Innocent III's declaration from 760 years previous. Wasn't that sweet? In a related bit of history, today is the birthday of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, amateur cartographer and President of Iran.

Charlie Daniels is 72 today. Here's everything you might want to know about him from The Ballad of Charlie Daniels (which Josiah wrote for a project last year):

His name was Charlie Daniels
Born in 1936
Way down there in the South
And way out there in the sticks.

He wore clothes like a bullrider
Belt buckle and cowboy hat
He wore a country shirt
And he was really fat

He liked all kinds of music
Rock and country, gospel, blues
He also liked bluegrass
And wrote songs to amuse

Charlie was a happy man
He always had a grin
When he sawed upon the fiddle
Strummed guitar or mandolin

The devil went to Georgia
To seek a soul to steal
But Charlie went to Nashville
To seek a record deal

He finally moved to Texas
Way out in the old West
Of country, bluegrass singers
Charlie Daniels is the best

Several years ago, Charlie Daniels was asked to speak at UNCW. They students protested because he wasn't academic enough for them (which is kind of funny). He responded with a great letter, which included some of his "real world" qualifications:

I've stood at the 38th Parallel and looked across into the hostile eyes of the North Korean border guards. I've been catapulted from the deck of an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Adriatic Sea and ridden across the frozen wastes of Greenland on an Eskimo dog sled. I've taken a hammer and chisel to the Berlin Wall and performed with symphony orchestras. I've had conversations with presidents and walked in the halls of Congress lobbying for legislation in which I believe. I've flown on the Concorde and acted in motion pictures. I've seen the royal palaces of Europe and the hovels of Hong Kong.

I've seen the Mona Lisa and stared in awe at the timeless works of Vincent Van Gogh. I've gathered cattle in the Big Bend country of Texas and met some of the wisest people I know at campfires in the middle of nowhere. I was privileged to have conversations with Alex Haley and Louis L'Amour. I've appeared with the Rolling Stones, worked in the recording studio with Bob Dylan and two of the Beatles. I've been married to the same woman for over 30 years and raised a son who did, by the way, go to college. I've kept 20 people gainfully and steadily employed for over 20 years.

John Locke died on this day in 1704. Thomas Jefferson shamelessly plagarized his work for the foundational concepts of the Declaration of Independence. The Onion's geography book, Our Dumb World, shamelessly plagarized the Declaration of Independence for this summary of the United States:

The United States of America, where we enjoy life, liberty and the pursuit of anything our heart desires, often at the expense of life and liberty.

Locke's tombstone bears the following epitaph:

Pepperoni and Sausage

No, really, this is what he says, which I may plagarize for my own:

His virtues, indeed, if he had any, were too little for him to propose as matter of praise to himself, or as an example to you. Let his vices be buried with him. Of good life, you have an example in the gospel, should you desire it; of vice, would there were none for you; of mortality, surely you have one here and everywhere, and may you learn from it.

Greece celebrates Oxi (No) Day, celebrating their rejection of an ultimatum by Mussolini in 1940. This stands in stark contrast to the French Stall Hitler While We Hide the Mona Lisa and Some Wine Day.

Today begins Diwali, the Hindu festival of lights.

Finally, today is the feastday of St. Jude. Because he shares a name with Judas Iscariot (who betrayed Jesus), people were afraid to ask for his intercession for fear it would accidentally go to the wrong guy. So, they only used him when all other saints hadn't worked. Thus, he is the patron saint of lost causes. Or, as John McCain knows him, "My best friend."

- Saint Jude (a.k.a Saint Thaddaeus or "of James")
- Diwali in Hinduism, Jainism, and Buddhism (2006)