History of the Day: 10/31

Happy All Hallows Eve, a holiday with an interesting history. There are festivals of the dead, many of them around this time of year, all over the world. This makes sense, as the world seems to be dying around us, the Holly King triumphant. Halloween started with the Celtic (that's "K"eltic) festival of the dead, Samhain (which is not the Celtic god of death). They believed that, at this time of year, the wall or veil between our world and the land of the dead (and of fairies and elves, which were not nice, friendly beings) was particularly thin and traverse between the worlds was possible. So, people were scared of the dead and thinking of their own death. Memento mori.

One way to ward off the evil beings was with a bone fire, literally a fire made with bones, which is where we get "bonfire." All the other fires in the village were extinguished, and the new fires were lit from the central one. Another way was to leave an offering of some kind to satisfy your great-great grandma or whatever elven mobster was going to mess up your domicile.

Fast forward to St. Patrick and the Christians. As the Celts converted, their fear of death was translated into a celebration of the saints. Thus, All Saints Day (tomorrow) and All Hallows/Saints Eve' (tonight). Many of the former traditions were preserved, as you can see in Robert Burns' (very long) poem Halloween. Fast forward again to the 17th. century, when the Puritans in Massachusetts discouraged the celebration of Halloween (and Christmas) because of their pagan roots. No mention of the holiday is found until the Irish and Scots began emigrating here 300 years later. Halloween quickly became a night for vandalism and hoodlumdry (my word). Then come the Boy Scouts to the rescue! In 1912, they began the tradition of "beggars nights" or "Sane Halloween" as we have come to practice it today.

Thus, we have come full circle, from a night where we feared little imps doing mischief which we placated with offerings to leave us alone, to a night where we feared little imps doing mischief which we placated with offerings to leave us alone.

Speaking of death, Harry Houdini died on this day in 1926 after his appendix ruptured in a magic trick gone wrong. Why can't this happen to David Blaine or Criss Angel? Speaking of Harry, Harry Potter's parents were killed by Voldemort on this day as well. Side note: Avada Kedavra (the killing curse) is derived from Abracadabra, which means, "I create as I speak." Avada Kedavra means, "I destroy as I speak." Cool!

The last successful cavalry charge happened on this day in 1917 during WWI at the Battle of Beersheba. This picture was taken of the charge. I think, given the perspective of the shot, we can assume the photographer died on this day as well.

Joseph Campell, author of the Masks of God series and The Hero with A Thousand Faces, died on this day in 1987. His books greatly affected popular and academic perceptions about mythology. His theory of the hero cycle were particularly influential on entertainment. Both Star Wars and the Matrix were largely structured on it.

In 1975, Queen released their most famous single, Bohemian Rhapsody. You can tell it's famous because of the bajillion covers and parodies that have been created, including Bohemian Polka by Weird Al, Iliad Rhapsody, that scene from Wayne's World, the 25 most annoying singers, and what might be the greatest, September of this year at my sister's wedding. They had Karaoke at the reception, and my son was inspired to sing Bohemian Rhapsody. I was terrified, because he'd never sung in public before, but he absolutely rocked it! Knew every word (which surprised the heck out of me). Of course, the next day he was absolutely mortified but, as I told him, that's what Karaoke's all about!

Finally, on this day in 1517, Martin Luther nailed his 95 Theses to the door of the church in Wittenberg, Germany; thus sparking the Protestant Reformation. This religious equivalent of a Dear St. John letter led to a bit of heartache and even more fragmentation (kind of a nuclear reaction of denominational fission) and one of my favorite jokes.

Asked why he chose 95 instead of 100 Theses, Luther responded that he had five more which included, "I hate this stupid haircut," but he didn't want to be petulant. Also, he didn't want to miss trick-or-treating.

On this day 482 years later, the Roman Catholic Church and Lutheran Church (well, one of them) issued the Joint Declaration on the Doctrine of Faith and Justification, in which they pretty much agreed on everything they were disputing in the 16th. century (though they still haven't resolved all the new disputes that have arisen since then). It was subtitled Whoops, My Bad.

History of the Day: 10/30

Today is National Candy Corn Day. Mmmmm, candy corn, one of the few foodstuffs (and I say that loosely) you can still purchase from 1985 at Big Lots and no one will know the difference. Tonight is known as Mischief Night. Or, as my students know it, every day of their lives.

On this day in 1938, radio listeners heard this, Orson Welles broadcast of H.G. Well's The War of the Worlds. Reportedly, over a million listeners believed the report of the alien invasion to be true, while 1.2 million were "genuinely scared." These poor souls later discovered that there were no tripod beings from Mars invading Earth. However, 65 years later another presentation of the same story on film proved that, indeed, there were aliens on earth. Two words, Tom Cruise.

THE THETANS ARE COMING, THE THETANS ARE COMING!!!

The most important thing about this story is the Marvel Comics alternate history it spawned involving Killraven. See, all the humans were slaves of the Martians, but Killraven was genetically altered to control the Martians with his mind, except he didn't know it because the guy who did it to him was killed, but his brother, Deathraven, was also controlled by the Martians, and Killraven had to kill him and .... oh ... sorry ... moving on ...

Happy birthday to John Adams, another man who was concerned about alien invasions. He serves as a warning in this electoral season. Once upon a time, he seemed like a good guy, saying:

Fear is the foundation of most governments; but it is so sordid and brutal a passion, and renders men in whose breasts it predominates so stupid and miserable, that Americans will not be likely to approve of any political institution which is founded on it.

Sounds kind of like Obama's thirty minute infomercial last night. But Adams, as president, put these ideas into practice by passing the Alien and Sedition acts which, in effect, allowed him to imprison or deport anyone who disagreed with him. Modern day Republicans call this The Patriot Act. Modern day Democrats call it Political Correctness. Later, in the presidential campaign of 1800, Adams went on to say that, if elected, Thomas Jefferson would murder his opponents, burn churches, destroy the country and teach "murder, robbery, rape, adultery and incest."

Ah, fear. It works just as good in 2008 as it did in 1800.

To Adams credit, he and Jefferson did reconcile late in life. In fact, he and Jefferson both died on the same day, July 4th, the 50th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Adams feared that he would be forgotten by history. This excerpt is from the musician 1776, although it is based on real words that Adams wrote:

John Adams: . . . I mean, what will people think?
Ben Franklin: Don't worry, John. The history books will clean it up.
John Adams: It doesn't matter. I won't appear in the history books, anyway—only you. Franklin did this, Franklin did that. . . . Franklin smote the ground, and out sprang George Washington, fully grown and on his horse. Franklin then electrified him with his miraculous lightning rod, and the three of them—Franklin, Washington, and the horse—conducted the entire Revolution all by themselves.
Ben Franklin: I like it!

One of my favorite authors, Fyodor Dostoevsky, was a victim of . Normally, he's just a name thrown around by pretentious people, like existentialism or brie, but I really like him! I didn't read anything by him until late in life when someone gave me an excerpt from The Brother's Karamazov called Legend of the Grand Inquisitor. It became one of the most influential pieces of literature I had read. I still haven't read that much by him, but the more I read, the more I like. He wrote about all the darkness of humanity and humans, yet you come away from each book loving even the murderers and creeps in spite of their flaws. He said:

At some ideas you stand perplexed, especially at the sight of human sins, uncertain whether to combat it by force or by human love. Always decide, 'I will combat it with human love.' If you make up your mind about that once and for all, you can conquer the whole world.

But if, like most, you just don't have the time to read an entire work by Dostoevsky (I mean, what would you expect from the people who brought you Siberia?), here is his Crime and Punishment, Dr. Phil Style.

Finally, today is the feastday of St. Marcellus, patron saint of conscientious objectors. His passion is an interesting read.

History of the Day: 10/29

On this day in 1886 the ticker-tape parade was invented when office workers spontaneously threw the material into the streets after the Statue of Liberty was dedicated. On the same day 43 years later, ticker-tape was replaced by despondent investors after the Crash of '29 or Black Tuesday which began the Great Depression.

Tomorrow is National Street-Sweeper's Day.

Happy birthday to the Internet, 39 years old today! (Al Gore was 21 at the time of its birth, that scoundrel!) They named it ARPANET. Here's the baby picture. Isn't it cuuuuuute!

Three men of varying influence on this nation died on this day. Sir Walter Raleigh was executed in 1618 for ... well ... it's hard to say. He had already been imprisoned for life and declared dead when he fell out of favor with Queen Elizabeth. His son, Walter, was conceived during this time. Then, he was released. Then, imprisoned again. Then, released again for an expedition to find El Dorado. During that expedition, they sacked a Spanish outpost (Walter Jr. was shot during the fight). The Spanish ambassador demanded that Sir Raleigh be put to death.

So, it is not surprising that, when presented with the axe that would be used to decapitate him, Raleigh quipped:

This is a sharp Medicine, but it is a Physician for all diseases and miseries.

He is remembered for establishing the lost colony at Roanoke, founding North Carolina, and supplying a secondary plot line in Elizabeth: The Golden Age. Oh, and cigarettes. At least, that's what the Beatles remembered him for:

I'm so tired, I'm feeling so upset
Although I'm so tired I'll have another cigarette
And curse Sir Walter Raleigh
He was such a stupid git.

In 1877, Nathan Bedford Forrest died as well. Gen. Forrest served during the Civil War (aka. Wawah Against Nawthun Aggreshun) and seemed a reasonable man. At the end of hostilities, he told his soldiers:

You have been good soldiers, you can be good citizens. Obey the laws, preserve your honor, and the Government to which you have surrendered can afford to be, and will be, magnanimous.

He then became associated with the KKK. You might remember his distant kin, Mr. Gump, who said:

Now, when I was a baby, Momma named me after the great Civil War hero, General Nathan Bedford Forrest... She said we was related to him in some way. And, what he did was, he started up this club called the Ku Klux Klan. They'd all dress up in their robes and their bedsheets and act like a bunch of ghosts or spooks or something. They'd even put bedsheets on their horses and ride around. And anyway, that's how I got my name. Forrest Gump. Momma said that the Forrest part was to remind me that sometimes we all do things that, well, just don't make no sense.

Amen.

Joseph Pulitzer of the NY Times died in 1911. He seems like another reasonable guy, even having an award for achievement in journalism, literature or music named after him. However, his circulation war with Randolf Hearst spawned what is now known as yellow journalism which is defined as:

n. Journalism that exploits, distorts, or exaggerates the news to create sensations and attract readers.

This race to sell papers rather than speak truth is partially responsible for the Spanish-American War, and what's worse, Cable News Networks. Come to think of it, his award is yellow too. A contemporary humorist paper called Puck (the Onion or Daily Show of its day) summarized it nicely with this political cartoon.

History of the Day: 10/28

On this day in 312 AD, Constantine the Great defeated Maxentius at the Battle of Milvian Bridge. The previous day, he had seen the Chi Rho in the sky (the monogram of Christ in Greek) and the words In This Sign Conquer. So, he did. It is believed that a minor member of the infantry heard a voice say, "No, no, wait, that's not what I meant!!! Oh no ... this looks bad."

On the bright side, he quit the Roman policy of feeding their lions and bears with Christians. On the negative side, he connected the Church and State in such a way that Christians began doing the same.

In 1636, the exclusive and fanatical Puritans of the Massachusetts Bay Colony established the first college in the U.S., today known as Harvard University. In a strange twist of fate, the exclusive and fanatical Harvard now looks down on their Puritan ancestors.

In 1868, Thomas Edison applied for his first patent, an electrical vote recorder. In 2008, the ghost of Thomas Edison looked at the electoral process and said, "Awwww, what's the point?"

Twenty years later, President Grover Cleveland dedicated the Statue of Liberty, sporting a portion of Emma Lazarus' poem The New Colossus. The next day, the Congress passed an anti-immigration bill. No, not really, but that would be kind of funny, wouldn't it? Maybe?

In 1943, the US Navy rendered one of her ships invisible in a test dubbed the Philadephia Experiment. It is believed this is an urban legend, but who knows? How do you prove something invisible doesn't exist?

In 1965, Pope Paul VI delivered the Nostra Aetate (Declaration on the Relatin of the Church with Non-Christian Religions) which absolved the Jews of the death of Jesus, reversing Innocent III's declaration from 760 years previous. Wasn't that sweet? In a related bit of history, today is the birthday of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, amateur cartographer and President of Iran.

Charlie Daniels is 72 today. Here's everything you might want to know about him from The Ballad of Charlie Daniels (which Josiah wrote for a project last year):

His name was Charlie Daniels
Born in 1936
Way down there in the South
And way out there in the sticks.

He wore clothes like a bullrider
Belt buckle and cowboy hat
He wore a country shirt
And he was really fat

He liked all kinds of music
Rock and country, gospel, blues
He also liked bluegrass
And wrote songs to amuse

Charlie was a happy man
He always had a grin
When he sawed upon the fiddle
Strummed guitar or mandolin

The devil went to Georgia
To seek a soul to steal
But Charlie went to Nashville
To seek a record deal

He finally moved to Texas
Way out in the old West
Of country, bluegrass singers
Charlie Daniels is the best

Several years ago, Charlie Daniels was asked to speak at UNCW. They students protested because he wasn't academic enough for them (which is kind of funny). He responded with a great letter, which included some of his "real world" qualifications:

I've stood at the 38th Parallel and looked across into the hostile eyes of the North Korean border guards. I've been catapulted from the deck of an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Adriatic Sea and ridden across the frozen wastes of Greenland on an Eskimo dog sled. I've taken a hammer and chisel to the Berlin Wall and performed with symphony orchestras. I've had conversations with presidents and walked in the halls of Congress lobbying for legislation in which I believe. I've flown on the Concorde and acted in motion pictures. I've seen the royal palaces of Europe and the hovels of Hong Kong.

I've seen the Mona Lisa and stared in awe at the timeless works of Vincent Van Gogh. I've gathered cattle in the Big Bend country of Texas and met some of the wisest people I know at campfires in the middle of nowhere. I was privileged to have conversations with Alex Haley and Louis L'Amour. I've appeared with the Rolling Stones, worked in the recording studio with Bob Dylan and two of the Beatles. I've been married to the same woman for over 30 years and raised a son who did, by the way, go to college. I've kept 20 people gainfully and steadily employed for over 20 years.

John Locke died on this day in 1704. Thomas Jefferson shamelessly plagarized his work for the foundational concepts of the Declaration of Independence. The Onion's geography book, Our Dumb World, shamelessly plagarized the Declaration of Independence for this summary of the United States:

The United States of America, where we enjoy life, liberty and the pursuit of anything our heart desires, often at the expense of life and liberty.

Locke's tombstone bears the following epitaph:

Pepperoni and Sausage

No, really, this is what he says, which I may plagarize for my own:

His virtues, indeed, if he had any, were too little for him to propose as matter of praise to himself, or as an example to you. Let his vices be buried with him. Of good life, you have an example in the gospel, should you desire it; of vice, would there were none for you; of mortality, surely you have one here and everywhere, and may you learn from it.

Greece celebrates Oxi (No) Day, celebrating their rejection of an ultimatum by Mussolini in 1940. This stands in stark contrast to the French Stall Hitler While We Hide the Mona Lisa and Some Wine Day.

Today begins Diwali, the Hindu festival of lights.

Finally, today is the feastday of St. Jude. Because he shares a name with Judas Iscariot (who betrayed Jesus), people were afraid to ask for his intercession for fear it would accidentally go to the wrong guy. So, they only used him when all other saints hadn't worked. Thus, he is the patron saint of lost causes. Or, as John McCain knows him, "My best friend."

- Saint Jude (a.k.a Saint Thaddaeus or "of James")
- Diwali in Hinduism, Jainism, and Buddhism (2006)

History of the Day: 10/24

On this day in 1917, Bolsheviks and Soviets took control of Russia in the October Revolution. Also, on this day in 1945, the United Nations was founded. And, two years later, Walt Disney testified to the House Un-American Activities Committee naming employees he believed to be communist. Coincidence???

Earlier, in 1593, a Spanish soldier named Gil Perez suddenly found himself in Mexico. He was questioned by the Inquisition and (surprisingly) allowed to return to his former post. The only possible answer is teleportation!

Today, four people who were very influential in civil rights died; one in politics, one in sports, one in entertainment and one in public transportation. Daniel Webster (who, admittedly, was more concerned with the Union than with slavery) was a Senator and a fiery orator, the nemesis of John C. Calhoun of SC. He lost most of his reputation when, in his bid for the presidency, he accepted a compromise which included the Fugitive Slave Act. John Greenleaf Whittier, appalled at this, wrote the poem Ichabod, which ends:

When faith is lost, when honor dies,
The man is dead!
Then, pay the reverence of old days
To his dead fame;
Walk backward, with averted gaze,
And hide the shame!

It's good to know that presidential candidates have always compromised on their morals for political expediency. Somehow, it makes our current crop of candidates a little more palatable (but not really). There's a fantastic short story, The Devil and Daniel Webster, in which Webster defends a farmer who signed a contract with Mr. Scratch himself. Webster at first attempts to argue that Mr. Scratch is not a citizen of the country, but Scratch replies:

When the first wrong was done to the first Indian, I was there. When the first slaver put out for the Congo, I stood on her deck. Am I not in your books and stories and beliefs, from the first settlements on? Am I not spoken of, still, in every church in New England? 'Tis true the North claims me for a Southerner, and the South for a Northerner, but I am neither. I am merely an honest American like yourself-and of the best descent-for, to tell the truth, Mr. Webster,though I don't like to boast of it, my name is older in this country than yours.

Ouch! The ending is good, though. Definitely worth a read. Jackie Robinson, who died on this day in 1972, broke the color barrier in baseball. His manager encouraged him to "have the guts" not to fight back against the racism hurled against him. But, in a show of humanity which certainly rivals Webster in heart (and possibly even in words), he responded to his other players who had refused to play on the same team with a black man thusly:

I do not care if the guy is yellow or black, or if he has stripes like a @?#!$%&* zebra. I'm the manager of this team, and I say he plays. What's more, I say he can make us all rich. And if any of you cannot use the money, I will see that you are all traded.

On the one hand, this goes to show that, in America, green is more powerful than black or white. It also shows that, sometimes, someone else will fight for you. Gene Roddenberry, creator of Star Trek, died on this day in 1991. What does he have to do with civil rights? Well, he had an interracial (and, laughingly, international) cast for the Enterprise, including the African Uhura (which is Swahili for "freedom"). Further, episode 65, Plato's Stepchildren, featured the first interracial kiss on television (more or less, if you don't count the Orion slave girls). Granted, the telekentic Platonians had forced it, but that's just a technicality.

Finally, Rosa Parks died on this day in 2005. Of her famous bus ride, she said:

People always say that I didn't give up my seat because I was tired, but that isn't true. I was not tired physically, or no more tired than I usually was at the end of a working day. I was not old, although some people have an image of me as being old then. I was forty-two. No, the only tired I was, was tired of giving in.

This is because that same bus driver had, earlier, made her get off and enter through the back door of the bus. When she did, he sped off leaving her to walk home five miles in the rain. That bus driver, James Blake, died of a heart-attack in 2002, surprising many who didn't know he had a heart. And what more fitting tribute can there be than Outkast's song named for the civil rights heroine:

Ah ha, hush that fuss
Everybody move to the back of the bus
Do you want to bump and slump with us
We the type of people make the club get crunk.

Sigh.

History of the Day: 10/23

Happy Mole Day! What is Mole Day? It's like Groundhog Day, except it's nothing like it and is for chemists. It is celebrated on October 23, between 6:02 AM and 6:02 PM, making the date 6:02 10/23. The time and date are derived from the Avogadro constant, which is approximately 6.022×1023, defining the number of particles (atoms or molecules) in a mole, one of the seven base SI units.

Today, we remember when the President suspended the writ of habeas corpus for all military related cases. Yes, this is the same President who spent money without congressional authorization, and imprisoned thousands of suspected enemy sympathizers without trial. It's one of the lesser known acts of President Lincoln. What? Yes, I said Lincoln. Who did you think I meant?

Happy birthday to Weird Al! He has had a much greater influence on me than is probably healthy, but it's too late now. I'm permanently twisted. Here is his most recent song, Whatever You Like, a parody of T.I.'s tune of the same name.

And today is the feastday of Anicius Manlius Severinus Boethius, more commonly known by his last name. He was a philosopher-theologian of the first order until he ran afoul of the Arian emperor Theodric. So, he was tossed in prison (pictured here, looking remarkably like a public school) and, on this day, executed either by axe, sword or club. Or, knowing those crazy Medieval types, probably all three.

Boethius had hoped to translate all of the writings of the Greek philosophers, Plato and Aristotle especially, into Latin. However, he was executed before turning 45 and was barely into his work. Imagine what a different track the Middle Ages would have taken had they been available! While imprisoned, he wrote The Consolation of Philsophy, in which he has a dialogue with Lady Philosophy on various topics, especially the Wheel of Fortune. Of the wheel, and Lady Fortune (pictured here?), Lady Philosophy says:

I know how Fortune is ever most friendly and alluring
to those whom she strives to deceive,
until she overwhelms them with grief beyond bearing,
by deserting them when least expected
Are you trying to stay the force of her turning wheel?
Ah! dull-witted mortal,
if Fortune begin to stay still, she is no longer Fortune.

The Carmina Burana is even more explicit with these lyrics:

The wheel of Fortune turns;
I go down, demeaned;
another is raised up;
far too high up
sits the king at the summit -
let him fear ruin!

This could be called The Ballad of Joe the Plumber. In the Carmina, the lyrics are accompanied by this picture. The caption says:

Regno, Regnavi, Sum sine regno, Regnabo
I reign, I reigned, My reign is finished, I shall reign

So, what is one to do in the midst of all this changing of fortune? Boethius says:

If first you rid yourself of hope and fear
You have dismayed the tyrant's wrath:
But whosoever quakes in fear or hope,
Drifting and losing his mastery,
Has cast away his shield, has left his place,
And binds the chain with which he will be bound.

I'd like to buy a vowel ...

History of the Day: 10/22

In 1964, Jean-Paul Sartre was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature for his book Les Mots (The Words) in which he claimed that literature substituted for real commitment in the world. He should know, as he wrote about fifty books, plays and innumerable essays prior to Les Mots, and several more after. Being a man of principle, he rejected the prize, saying,

It is not the same thing if I sign Jean-Paul Sartre or if I sign Jean-Paul Sartre, Nobel Prize winner. A writer must refuse to allow himself to be transformed into an institution, even if it takes place in the most honorable form.

Being a philosopher (thus, able to justify anything), he asked for the money anyway in 1975. It reminds me of the time that Ms. Premise and Ms. Conclusion visited Jean Paul Sartre. (transcript)

Today is International Stuttering Awareness Day! Who knew? There are many famous people believed to have been stutterers, such as Moses, Winston Churchill and Scatman Jones who wrote a really cool song for stutterers. One of my favorites is Blessed Nokter Balbulus (meaning "Babbler" or "Stammerer") who is believed to have written the beautiful and haunting hymn Media Vita:

Media vita in morte summus.
In the midst of life we are in death.

The download takes a bit. You can also see (Anuna) perform the same song, or hear the version by Nicholas Gombert. I love that phrase. It reminds me of this awesome watch. It also reminds me that today is the day Pretty Boy Floyd, the Depression era gangster, was killed by Federal agents in 1934. According to Woody Guthrie's Ballad of Pretty Boy Floyd, he was launched on his life of crime when:

... a deputy sheriff approached him
In a manner rather rude,
Vulgar words of anger,
An' his wife she overheard.

Pretty Boy grabbed a log chain,
And the deputy grabbed his gun;
In the fight that followed
He laid that deputy down.

See? It wasn't his fault. And, apparently, he wasn't responsible for everything the Feds said he did.

Then he took to the trees and timber
To live a life of shame;
Every crime in Oklahoma
Was added to his name.

As a matter of fact (Guthrie says), he was a downright Robin Hood!

But a many a starving farmer
The same old story told
How the outlaw paid their mortgage
And saved their little homes.

Others tell you 'bout a stranger
That come to beg a meal,
Underneath his napkin
Left a thousand dollar bill.

It was in Oklahoma City,
It was on a Christmas Day,
There was a whole car load of groceries
Come with a note to say:

Well, you say that I'm an outlaw,
You say that I'm a thief.
Here's a Christmas dinner
For the families on relief.

This part might be true. He did hide out in towns around his hometown, and people gave him food and shelter. And he did give those people money, either out of the goodness of his heart, or as a bribe. But in those troubled times, with banks breathing down their necks, I'm sure they didn't really care. Guthrie really brings it home with these stanzas:

Yes, as through this world I've wandered
I've seen lots of funny men;
Some will rob you with a six-gun,
And some with a fountain pen.

And as through your life you travel,
Yes, as through your life you roam,
You won't never see an outlaw
Drive a family from their home.

This last part, contrasting small scale theft with large scale theft, I find fascinating! It reminds of the exchange between Alexander the Great and a pirate in St. Augustine's City of God:

What are kingdoms but great robberies? This true answer was given to Alexander the Great by a pirate who had been captured. When the king asked the man what he meant by keeping hostile possession of the sea, he answered boldly, "What do you mean by seizing the whole earth? But because I do it with one ship, I am called a pirate, while you do it with a great navy and are called an emperor."

Or these excerpts from Beilby Porteus' Death: A Poetical Essay:

One murder made a villain,
Millions a hero. Princes were privileged
To kill, and numbers sanctified the crime.

War its thousands slays, Peace its ten thousands.

Regardless, the greatest injustice done to any man was that Pretty Boy Floyd should be immortalized in the 80s by these guys.

History of the Day: 10/21

Happy birthday to the light bulb, first lit on this day in 1879. Also, requiem in aeternam to that same light bulb, which died 13.5 hours later. In celebration and mourning, here are some of my favorite light bulb jokes:

How many worship leaders who play guitar does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but sooooon all those arooooound can waaaaarm up in its gloooooowiiiiiing!

How many AA Sponsors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but the lightbulb first has to admit that it's gone out.

How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?

We don't know yet. They're still waiting on a part.

How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifteen to blame Bush that it went out, 45 to try to add public funding riders for research into more environmentally-friendly methods of lighting and 21 to protest the oppressive policies of the light-bulb elite.

How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?

Twelve to investigate Clinton's involvement in the failure of the old bulb, 23 to deregulate the light bulb industry, and 51 to pass a tax credit for light bulb changers.

How many Stormtroopers does it take to change a lightbulb?

35. One to change the bulb, and 34 to die needlessly in this daring operation, while having rocks dropped on them by Ewoks.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the giraffe, and one to put the clocks in the bathtub.

How many witches does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but she changes it into a toad.

How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it, and one not to change it.

or

If a light bulb goes out, and no one sees it, does it make a sound?

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

• Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
• Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
• Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
• Rottweiler: Make me.
• Lab: Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?
• German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
• Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
• Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
• Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
• Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
• Maltese: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
• Mastiff: Mastiffs are not afraid of the dark.
• Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
• Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got this hangover.
• Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there....
• Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
• Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle....
• Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?
• Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz.z.z.z..z..z..z...z
• Cat: Cats do not change light bulbs.

How many educators does it take to change a light bulb?

109. Seven on the Light Bulb Task Force Sub-committee who report to the 12 on the Light Bulb Task Force, appointed by the 15 on the Trustee Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance Committee Executive of 5, who place it on the agenda of the 18 member Finance committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the 27 member School Board, who appoint another 12 member review committee. If they recommend that the School Board proceed, a resolution is brought to the Business Meeting. They appoint another 8 member review committee. If their report to the next Business Meeting supports the changing of the light bulb, and the Board votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the light bulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, who in turn appoint a 7 member committee to find the best price on new light bulbs. They report back to the Trustee Board who then commissions the Trustee in charge of the janitor to ask him to make the change. By then the janitor discovers that one more light bulb has burned out.

History of the Day: 10/20

Happy birthday to Tom Petty, the man who looks like he died twenty years ago, but makes better music each year. Kind of a reverse Dorian Gray. He's best known for songs like Freefallin' and Mary Jane's Last Dance, but he should be known for some of his more recent stuff, like It'll All Work Out, a (forgive me) heart breaking song.

Petty, like other musicians, is sick of people yelling "FREEEEEBIIIIIIIRD!" at his concerts. He can blame Ronnie Van Zant, patron saint of southern rock, who died on this day in 1977 when the plane carrying his band, Lynyrd Skynyrd, crashed.

John Dewey, founder of "progressive education," was born on this day in 1859. He is much maligned for bringing our educational system to its current state of ruin, although it's not certain how exactly he accomplished this. He posited three, equally bad, models of education: the Platonic (class-centered), the Individualist (based on Rosseau, where the Individual was the center) and the Institutional (where the nation-state is the center). It is unclear (to me) exactly what he meant, although his pragmatist leanings lead me to conclude he meant "whatever is best for society or humanity as a whole." This is borne out by this statement of his:

The conception of education as a social process and function has no definite meaning until we define the kind of society we have in mind.

So, what kind of society to we want? Perhaps the problem with education is that we can't agree on that question. Speaking of education, today is the day Anne Sullivan died, a model to teachers and hero to the deaf and blind. Little known fact: her most famous student, Hellen Keller, was a socialist/communist. She described how she came to this political position:

I was appointed on a commission to investigate the conditions of the blind. For the first time I, who had thought blindness a misfortune beyond human control, found that too much of it was traceable to wrong industrial conditions, often caused by the selfishness and greed of employers. And the social evil contributed its share. I found that poverty drove women to a life of shame that ended in blindness.

Keller was friends with Mark Twain, who once said:

Who are the oppressors? The few: the King, the capitalist, and a handful of other overseers and superintendents. Who are the oppressed? The many: the nations of the earth; the valuable personages; the workers; they that make the bread that the soft-handed and idle eat.

All these communists ... sounds like a conspiracy! Which is why the House Un-American Activities Committee began its investigation into Communists in Hollywood on this day in 1947, a full three years before Sen. Joseph McCarthy had even gotten started. Ten members of the film industry refused to testify, citing the 1st Amendment. Here is John Henry Lawson, one of the ten, being questioned:

Interrogator: Are you a member of the Communist Party or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?
Lawson: It's unfortunate and tragic that I have to teach this committee the basic principles of Americanism.
Interrogator: That's not the question. That's not the question. The question is—have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?
Lawson: I am framing my answer in the only way in which any American citizen can frame...absolutely invades his privacy...
Interrogator: Then you deny it? You refuse to answer that question, is that correct?
Lawson: I have told you that I will offer my beliefs, my affiliations and everything else to the American public and they will know where I stand as they do from what I have written.
Interrogator: Stand away from the stand. Stand away from the stand. Officer, take this man away from the stand.

They were blackballed from the industry. Hundreds of others were to follow. Charlie Chaplain, another friend of Hellen Keller, probably would have been questioned as well, but the it was believed he would have made even more of a fool of the Senators than they were already making of themselves, promising to appear in his tramp clothing. He left the country for his native England and was barred re-entry for many years. Of this, he said:

Friends have asked how I came to engender this American antagonism. My prodigious sin was, and still is, being a non-conformist. Although I am not a Communist I refused to fall in line by hating them. Secondly, I was opposed to the Committee on Un-American Activities — a dishonest phrase to begin with, elastic enough to wrap around the throat and strangle the voice of any American citizen whose honest opinion is a minority of one.

President Truman later agreed with him, calling HUAC the "most un-American thing in the country today."

History of the Day: 10/19

In 1781, Lord Cornwallis surrendered to George Washington at Yorktown while (allegedly) an English band played The World Turned Upside Down. You can hear this song, and other protest songs, on the truly fantastic album English Protest Songs by Chumbawamba.

Speaking of revolutionary moments in English history, King John (the villain of Robin Hood and Ivanhoe and signer of the Magna Carta) died on this day in 1216. Although he is considered one of the worst kings in English history, Winston Churchill had this to say about him:

When the long tally is added, it will be seen that the British nation and the English-speaking world owe far more to the vices of John than to the labours of virtuous sovereigns.

Taking this view, I wonder to which of our presidents do we owe the greatest debt? A.A. Milne (of Winnie the Pooh fame) wrote a somewhat sympathetic poem about him in which, as it turns out, all he wanted was a rubber ball.

Another poet, Edna St. Vincent Millay, died on this day in 1950. She is best known for this snippet, which describes the life of a teacher well:

My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends--
It gives a lovely light!

Johnathan Swift also died on this day in 1745. Although he is best known for Gulliver's Travels, he is a prolific writer of many poems, plays and even A Modest Proposal for population control. He once wrote:

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed.

Sometimes, reading Gulliver's Travels, I wonder if he was under the influence. Speaking of mind-altering substances, happy birthday to Patrick Simmons, one of the bajillion members of the Doobie Brothers, the band who sang such memorable hits as Jesus Is Just Allright.

Jesus was just all right with two other guys as well. Isaac Jogues was a Jesuit missionary to the Huron until a Mowhawk tribe captured and tortured him, cutting off several of his fingers. He lived as a slave among them, teaching them Christianity, until he was rescued by Dutch traders. But, once freed, he returned as a missionary to the Mowhawk. They blamed him when sickness and crop failure struck the tribe, clubbed him to death and beheaded him on this day in 1646.

That same year, another Jesuit missionary named Jean de Brébeuf was working as a missionary among the Huron in Canada as well. However, in 1649, an Iroquois tribe wiped out the Huron tribe he was with and took him prisoner. He was fastened to stakes and tortured to death by scalping, mock baptism using boiling water, fire, necklaces of red hot hatchets and mutilation. Brébeuf did not make a single outcry while he was being tortured and the astounded Iroquois later cut out his heart and ate it in hopes of gaining his courage. Brébeuf, in an attempt to translate the Nativity story to the Huron, wrote a Christmas hymn called The Huron Carol. Here it is in the original Huron, and the English lyrics.

Finally, today is the Hindu festival of Dasara, which commemorates the defeat of Ravana by Rama and his army of warrior monkeys. I've always thought that every religion should have more warrior monkeys.

History of the Day: 10/18

In 1648, Boston Shoemakers formed the first labor union in the US. This is fortuitous, as they were uniquely suited for a walkout.

Moby Dick was published on this day in 1851. There is an interesting discussion on the color white in the book:

Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way? Or is it, that as in essence whiteness is not so much a color as the visible absence of color; and at the same time the concrete of all colors; is it for these reasons that there is such a dumb blankness, full of meaning, in a wide landscape of snows- a colorless, all-color of atheism from which we shrink? And when we consider that other theory of the natural philosophers, that all other earthly hues — every stately or lovely emblazoning — the sweet tinges of sunset skies and woods; yea, and the gilded velvets of butterflies, and the butterfly cheeks of young girls; all these are but subtile deceits, not actually inherent in substances, but only laid on from without; so that all deified Nature absolutely paints like the harlot, whose allurements cover nothing but the charnel-house within; and when we proceed further, and consider that the mystical cosmetic which produces every one of her hues, the great principle of light, for ever remains white or colorless in itself, and if operating without medium upon matter, would touch all objects, even tulips and roses, with its own blank tinge — pondering all this, the palsied universe lies before us a leper; and like wilful travellers in Lapland, who refuse to wear colored and coloring glasses upon their eyes, so the wretched infidel gazes himself blind at the monumental white shroud that wraps all the prospect around him. And of all these things the Albino whale was the symbol. Wonder ye then at the fiery hunt?

My, my! I feel so symbolic. This reminds me of two things, the saddest story I've heard in a while, and my favorite joke:

What is big, purple, and lives in the ocean?
Moby Grape.

In 1929, women were officially considered "Persons" under Canadian law. I'm sure they were all relieved to find that out.

We remember two musicians: John Taverner, an amazing composer of liturgical works who died on this day in 1545; and Charles Gounod, primarily known for his Ave Maria, who died on this day in 1893. In other musical history, the Grand Ole Opry opened in 1925 and the first transistor radio was developed in 1954.

Finally, today is the Sweetest Day, a made-up holiday concocted by confectioners which, in their words, is an

occasion which offers all of us an opportunity to remember not only the sick, aged and orphaned, but also friends, relatives and associates whose helpfulness and kindness we have enjoyed.

Ah, well, it's an excuse for candy, right?

History of the Day: 10/17

On this day in 1814 at a brewery in London, a huge vat containing over 135,000 gallons of beer ruptured, causing other vats in the same building to succumb in a domino effect. As a result, more than 323,000 gallons of beer burst out and gushed into the streets. The wave of beer destroyed two homes and crumbled the wall of the Tavistock Arms pub, trapping the barmaid under the rubble. 9 people died, 8 from drowning and 1 from alcohol poisoning. It is believed they all died happy. In England, this came to be known as the "London Beer Flood." In Ireland, they know it as "Breakfast." And in the U.S., we know it as "Wall Street."

Speaking of liquidity causing great devastation, today is also the day that, in 1973, OPEC began an oil embargo against a number of Western countries considered to have helped Israel in its war against Syria.

And speaking of relations between Israel and the Middle East, on this day in 539, Cyrus the Great of Persia (ancient Iran) marched into Babylon and released the Hebrew people from almost 70 years of exile with the first declaration of human rights (more or less). Today, the current president of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, has continued that tradition. Just as Cyrus removed them from Babylon so they could go home, Ahmadinejad has promised to "wipe Israel of the face of the earth," presumably so they could go home ... permanently. Ain't that sweet?

I must apologize, for I totally missed National Grouch Day on the 15th. But that's OK, 'cause some of us like to celebrate all year 'round! Remember, keep the spirit of Grouch Day in your heart and you can always have that special feeling that the world has somehow treated you more unfairly than, say, an orphaned child from Darfur. While we're on the subject of those less fortunate, today is the International Day for the Eradication of Poverty. Tennessee Ernie Ford, who died on this day in 1991, sang what might be the theme song for the poor, 16 Tons.

There have always been those who have penned tunes that lifted up the plight of the oppressed. Julia Ward Howe died on this day in 1910. Her Battle Hymn of the Republic became the rallying cry of a nation at war and made it seem like we were fighting against slavery rather than to preserve the Union. It's a powerful hymn, especially the line:

As He died to make men holy, let us live to make men free ...

My favorite version of the hymn was performed by Elvis Pressley, who sang it as part of An American Trilogy, which combines it with Dixieland and a haunting slave song from the Bahamas, All My Trials:

Hush little baby don't you cry
You know your mama was born to die.
All my trials Lord soon be over

If religion were a thing that money could buy
You know the rich would live and the poor would die.
All my trials Lord soon be over

What's interesting about the song is that it was based on an older song, John Brown's Body Lies a'Molderin' in the Grave. Here are two stanzas:

Old John Brown’s body lies moldering in the grave,
While weep the sons of bondage whom he ventured all to save;
But tho he lost his life while struggling for the slave,
His soul is marching on.

John Brown was John the Baptist of the Christ we are to see,
Christ who of the bondmen shall the Liberator be,
And soon thruout the Sunny South the slaves shall all be free,
For his soul is marching on.

What's even more interesting is that Howe herself was a pacifist. She was the first to call for a celebration of Mother's Day. But it wasn't a time for long-distance phone calls (or telegraphs) and Hallmark cards. She said:

Arise then...women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts!
Whether your baptism be of water or of tears!
Say firmly:
"We will not have questions answered by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage,
For caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We, the women of one country,
Will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."

From the bosum of a devastated Earth a voice goes up with
Our own. It says: "Disarm! Disarm!
The sword of murder is not the balance of justice."
Blood does not wipe our dishonor,
Nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil at the summons of war,
Let women now leave all that may be left of home
For a great and earnest day of counsel.
Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace...
Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,
But of God -

In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask
That a general congress of women without limit of nationality,
May be appointed and held at someplace deemed most convenient
And the earliest period consistent with its objects,
To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,
The amicable settlement of international questions,
The great and general interests of peace.

She was also kind of scary-lookin': (http://www.cyberhymnal.org/img/h/o/howe_jw.jpg).

Derek Bell, once harpist for the Irish band The Chieftans, died on this day in 2002. Here is playing Sí Bheag, Sí Mhor (pronounced "Sheebeg, Sheemore" http://www.la-nef.com/html/6extras/mp3/concerts/sheebeg_and_sheemore.mp3) written by Turlough O'Carolan. What does this have to do with oppression? Well, it tells the story of rival queens, one from a small hill (Sí Bheag) and the other from a larger one (Sí Mhor), arguing over which is superior:

You were never as noble as us,
in degree conferred in tribe or church;
Take your talk away from us, it makes no sense,
Remove your foot and hand from us!

How Marxist! Thus begin an epic battle which only abates when they are both attacked by a faerie army. Thus, a truce is made and they fight together. In the U.S., this is called "politics."

Frédéric Chopin died on this day in 1849. I don't know that he did any particularly poignant songs regarding the poor and downtrodden (although he was Polish), but he was a master of the Nocturne. You can still visit his heart, which was placed inside a pillar at Holy Cross Church in Warsaw.

Speaking of hearts, today is the feastday of St. Marguerite Marie Alacoque, who popularized devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Hmmm ... must have been a liberal. (Get it? Bleeding hearts?)

And today is the feastday of another saint, Ignatius of Antioch. He's primarily cool for the awesome icon of his martyrdom. Of his impending death, he wrote to the Romans:

Allow me to be eaten by the beasts, which are my way of reaching to God. I am God's wheat, and I am to be ground by the teeth of wild beasts, so that I may become the pure bread of Christ.

Sigh. How did Christians get so wimpy? Somehow, an icon of not being allowed to pray in school doesn't seem to pack the same punch. I just can't imagine celebrating "The Feastday of That Time When They Made St. Bertha Say 'Happy Holidays' When She Really Wanted To Say 'Merry Christmas,' 'Cause You Know Jesus Really Wants Us To Hear 'Merry Christmas' When We Spend $1,500.00 At Wal Mart For Presents." Just doesn't have quite the same oomph, ya know?

History of the Day: 10/16

Happy World Food Day! On this day we remember that American garbage dispose-alls eat better than the population of many third-world countries. Except mine, 'cause it's broken. Speaking of eating, let us eat cake in memory of Marie Antoinette, who lost her wig (and her head) on this day in 1793, at the height of the French Revolution. Ah ... the French Revolution, proving that all human's have equal poor rights by having sham trials for the rich AND poor. It has been said, "We're all equal in the grave," and Rousseau took that to heart. If you really want to relive the spirit of the French Revolution, get this awesome Marie Antoinette action-figure (with ejector head!)

In 1906 Friedrich Wilhelm Voigt became the Captain of Köpenick when he purchased parts of used captain's uniforms from different shops, put it on and went to the local army barracks. There, he stopped ten grenadiers and a sergeant on their way back to barracks and told them to come with him. Indoctrinated to obey officers without question, they followed. Then he took a train to Köpenick, east of Berlin, occupied the local city hall with his soldiers and told them to cover all exits. He told the local police to "care for law and order" and to "prevent calls to Berlin for one hour" at the local post office.

He had the treasurer and mayor arrested, supposedly for suspicions of crooked bookkeeping, and confiscated 4002 marks and 37 pfennigs - with a receipt, of course (he signed it with his former jail director's name). Then he commandeered two carriages and told the grenadiers to take the arrested men to the Neue Wache in Berlin for interrogation. He told the remaining guards stand in their places for half an hour and then left for the train station. Later he changed to civilian clothes and disappeared.

He was eventually arrested and sentenced to four years, but Kaiser Wilhelm II himself pardoned him. And, after proving that his military would do anything if given an order by a superior officer, Wilhelm started WWI four years later ... when Voight would have been getting out of prison. Hmmmm ....

At the 1968 Olympics, Tommie Smith and John Carlos were kicked of the USA team for performing the Black Power salute during the medal ceremony. What's sad is that they received death threats for that. What's interesting is that Peter Norman, the Australian standing next to them in the photo (best known for standing next to them in the photo), is wearing an OPHR (Olympic Project for Human Rights) badge in support of Smith, who had founded the organization the previous year. The goal of OPHR was "to protect all humanity, even those who denied us ours." Which just goes to show that comic books are important! Why? Because the motto of the X-Men (which had begun publication in 1963) was "to protect a world that hates and fears us."

The Million Man March happened on this day in 1995. The most notable result was the controversy over the number of people who marched. Organizers said it was between 1.5 and 2 million people. The National Park Service estimated about 400,000. So, Louis Farrakhan threatened to sue the National Park Service. Later, the 1997 appropriations bill for the Department of the Interior, Congress included language that prohibits the National Park Service from conducting crowd estimates. The legislation also states that if event organizers want crowd estimates, they should contract with an outside agency. An independent agency set the number of participants at 837,000 +/- 20% (669,600 to 1,004,400). To be fair, the National Park Service was probably only counting three-fifths of each participant. Old habits die hard.

Happy birthday to Noah Webster, born in 1758. Although he is the father of the American dictionary, he is no fan of static spelling. He said the appropriate standard for the American language, argued Webster, was, "the same republican principles as American civil and ecclesiastical constitutions", which meant that the people-at-large must control the language; popular sovereignty in government must be accompanied by popular usage in language. In another essay he said:

There iz no alternativ. Every possible reezon that could ever be offered for altering the spelling of wurds, stil exists in full force; and if a gradual reform should not be made in our language, it wil proov that we are less under the influence of reezon than our ancestors.

No, I'm not joking. Sigh, I'll put away my red pen. This reminds me of Twain's satirical Plan for the Improvement of Spelling in the English Language:

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.

Generally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeiniing voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x"— bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez —tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivili.

Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev alojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

Happy birthday to another man of letters, Oscar Wilde; author, poet and playwright. He was definitely a witty man.

He is really not so ugly after all, provided, of course, that one shuts one's eyes, and does not look at him.

He give the purpose for this calendar of sorts:

Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event.

But also quite morose. Here is an particularly heart-wrenching excerpt from Ballad of Reading Gaol:

Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!

In 1869, a Mr. Hull (atheist) had an argument with a Mr. Turk (Christian) who believed giants (the nephilim of Genisis 6:4) once roamed the earth. So Hull had a giant, stone man made and later "discovered." Christians rushed to defend its authenticity, and Hull made a killing in admission fees. Later, P.T. Barnum made a copy, claiming his was the real one. Hull tried to sue twice. The first judge said Hull had to have his giant swear to his own legitimacy in court, and the second said you can't sue someone for calling a fake fake.

The giant inspired the imaginations of contemporary authors, like Mark Twain who wrote A Ghost Story (where the ghost of the giant returns to haunt his fake body); and Fank L. Baum who wrote the poem The True Origin of the Cardiff Giant:

In ancient days as we are told
Noah marched the animals into the fold,
Then closed the door of hickory bark,
Of which material he made the ark.

He shipped a man of monst'rous size,
Who was noted for his wond'rous lies.
There was but one of his race to be found,
And he was so wicked Noah had him bound.

After three days amid the flood,
Noah called the man of Giant blood,
And brought him on the dock of his ship,
As he wished to talk to his Giantship.

"Pooh!" said the Giant, "the water ain't deep."
(This like most of his lies was rather steep.)
Noah said, "it was both, he could make it plain,
It was over the head of this monst'rous man.

"Noah! won't you believe?" The Giant was mad;
He would show him the truth of what he said.
So into the water he jumped with a thud---
Went down to the bottom-- and stuck in the mud!

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

The flood subsided, and on Time flew.
Of the Giant that drowned, no man ever knew
Until the matter was lately made clear,
By a man at Cardiff, not far from here.

One day as he was digging a well,
He struck something hard--what it was he couldn't tell;
So he dug all around and there he found
A monstrous man stuck fast in the ground.

Soon threw the country the news it flew,
And people flocked round the Giant [illegible].
Some were dubious, and others would tell,
That someone had made it to get up a sell.

But the wise believe this story they say,
He was a Giant of Noah's day
Who sunk to the bottom and got stuck in the clay
Because he was stubborn, and would have his own way.

.

History of the Day: 10/15

It's Global Handwashing Day! Or, as it's known in public schools, Global Hand-Sanitizer Day! It's also White Cane Day, instituted to commemorate the accomplishments of the blind. I nominate Stick (the guy who trained Matt Murdock/Daredevil to fight) for patron saint.

Today is the ancient Roman festival of Equirria or October equus in which the right hand horse of the winning pair of a race was sacrificed to Mars. The tail was rushed to the regia to have its blood drip on the hearth there. There was a traditional fight over its head between the inhabitants of the Subura who wanted it for the Turris Mamilia, and those of the Via Sacra who wanted it for the regia. Sounds like a good time was had by all ... except the horse.

I Love Lucy premiered on this day in 1951, so sit back with a glass of Vitameatavegamin and listen to Weird Al serenade her.

Lot's of musians to celebrate today ...

• Barry McGuire is 73 today. He gained notoriety in the 60s for his protest song Eve of Destruction, although the lyrics almost sound like they could have been written yesterday. Although he is a Christian, part of the "Jesus People" movement, he hit a nerve with the Conservatives of the era who had to release a counter song called Dawn of Correction.
• Tito Jackson is 55. 'Nuff said.
• Erin McKeown, a singer-songwriter who no one knows but everyone should, is 31 today. Here is here song Float.
• Cole Porter died on this day in 1964. He wrote a bajillion songs, including Let's Do It.

Hermann Göring, the commander of the Luftwaffe (German air force) in WWII, committed suicide on this day in 1946. He was scheduled to be hung after the Nuremburg trials, although he had requestes to be shot as a soldier. Somehow, he got his hands on a cyanide pill (no one knows how), and avoided the "shame" of a hanging. He is easily hated, as is anyone who can say something like:

My measures will not be crippled by any bureaucracy. Here I don't have to worry about Justice; my mission is only to destroy and to exterminate; nothing more.

Yet, he had quite embarrassing things to say, for those who would listen. Regarding the Mexican-American "war" he said:

After the United States gobbled up California and half of Mexico, and we were stripped down to nothing, territorial expansion suddenly becomes a crime. It's been going on for centuries, and it will still go on.

Ouch! He also said something else which has been attributed to Hitler himself and even Caesar. Although they come from a less than sterling source, they are wise words, and should be heeded by Americans. We needed to listen to them after 9/11, we need to listen to them again in the midst of the collapse of our economy and especially before we elect a president (be it one for "change" or one for "experience"):

Naturally, the common people don't want war; neither in Russia nor in England nor in America, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy or a fascist dictatorship or a Parliament or a Communist dictatorship. ...voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country.

Speaking of Nazis, happy birthday to Friedrich Nietzsche. It's hard to know what to say about the man. On the one hand, his philosophy (though somewhat hijacked by his rabidly anti-Semitic sister) was the basis for Nazi thought and policies, especially the "will to power" and the "Übermensch." Yet, in a world that often equated Western culture with Christianity, he correctly pointed out the difference between master-morality as portrayed in the Iliad (where good = strength, health, wealth and power and bad = poor, weak, sick and pathetic) and slave-morality as portrayed in the Bible (where good = charity, piety, restraint, meekness, and subservience and evil = cruel, selfish, wealthy, indulgent, and aggressive). In other words, the heroes of the Iliad are the villains of the Bible (which applies to Christians as well as Jews). Of course, he sided with the earlier ideal of the Iliad.

Regardless, he ended his days in madness and despair, with the afore-mentioned sister using (and altering) his words to support the Nazis. Perhaps we should just remember him for his rockin' 'stache.

Speaking of slave-morality, today is the feastday of St. Theresa of Avila. She wrote a beautiful poem which encapsulates everything Nietzsche derided:

Christ has no body now but yours
No hands, no feet on earth but yours
Yours are the eyes through which He looks
compassion on this world
Yours are the feet with which he walks to do good.
Yours are the hands with which he blesses all the world.
Yours are the hands,
Yours are the feet,
Yours are the eyes,
You are His Body.

...

History of the Day: 10/14

In 1066, William the Conqueror lived up to his name and defeated Harold Godwinson at the Battle of Hastings on Senlac Hill, thus completing the Norman conquest. This is primarily important because it inspired the Bayeux Tapestry. You can watch a summary of the battle based on the tapestry, or (and this is really cool) create your own story using the Historic Tale Construction Kit.

Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne was first published on this day in 1926. You've probably heard of The Tao of Pooh, which uses the bear of little brain to teach about Taoism. But perhaps you haven't read The Pooh Perplex, a treatise on literary theory. Or maybe you'd like to read this eye-opening article which diagnoses the denizens of the hundred acre wood (hint: Tigger has ADHD ... no surprise). And did you know that all Western philosophy was merely a preamble to Pooh Bear? Or if, like me, you don't have time for all that, you can just listen to Kenny Loggins House at Pooh Corner.

In 1943, the prisoners of the Sobibor death camp in Poland revolted, resulting in the death of 11 guards. On the bright side, 600 escaped. However, only 50 survived the war. But it a shining example of the negation of the prisoner's dilemma.

Reagan declared war on drugs in 1982. I mean, it worked so well during Prohibition, why not, right? Hmmmm ... president declares war on a foe without a face or a specific location that we can't really target ... ringing a bell ... ah, it'll come to me.

Massachusetts just keeps getting better. On this day in 1656, they enacted the first punitive legislation against Quakers. Speaking of Quakers, happy birthday to William Penn, who was born in 1644. Compared to the near fascism of the Puritans across the road, his all-but anarchist colony of Quakers (and anyone else who wanted to come) was a breath of fresh air. It's hard to choose a quote from him, 'cause they're all so good, so I picked this one for the poetry:

No pain, no palm;
no thorns, no throne;
no gall, no glory;
no cross, no crown.

And this excerpt from John Greenleaf Whittier's beautiful poem in honor of Penn:

The tyrant on his gilded throne,
The warior in his battle dress,
The holier triumph ne'er have known
Of justice and of righteousness.

How all unlike the bloody band
That unrelenting Cortez led,
To princely Montezuma's land,
And ruin round his pathway shed!

With hearts that knew not how to spare,
Disdaining milder means to try,
The demon crimson sword alone was there;
The Indians' choice to yield or die.

Speaking of poets, today is the birthday of E.E. Cummings, the man who thanked heaven that someone was crazy enough to give him a daisy. He also said, "A cat is a cat is a cat," which brings me to this poem from Cummings' cat (by way of Henry Beard again):

Calico Cat’s
declawed
who used to
rip the silkysoft Persian
carpet

and shred onetwothreefourfive chipmunksjustlikethat

there was a handsome puss
and what I want to know is
how would you like your nails pulled out
Mister Vet

Bing Crosby died on this day in 1977. Prior to him, men had to sing in high tenor or falsetto so people could hear them in large halls. But Crosby came about at the same time as the microphone, and made it sexy to sing baritone. He was the Beatles of his era. Here he is singing Let Me Call You Sweetheart.

Finally, today is the feastday of St. Andadrisma who REALLY didn't want to get married, so she prayed for leprosy.